I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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