Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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