Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
