Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
