We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
