i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
