You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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