i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize