the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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