New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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