Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
