i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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