Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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