I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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