We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
