I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
