no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize