Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
