I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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