I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize