I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
