i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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