my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
