How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
