I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
