Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
