I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
