i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize