doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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