I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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