the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
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