why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So much rum. So many feels.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
