we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
