Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
