WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
