I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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