im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
