College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
