they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize