So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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