I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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