I didn't shave. On purpose
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
