she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
