Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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