Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
