i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
