You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
