I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize