he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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