im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize