they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
