After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
