she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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