You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
