I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
