we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
