I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
