youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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