Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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