How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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