Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
