Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize