How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
