In the future we'll all be gay
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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