Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
