It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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