i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
