so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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