I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
