I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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