i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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