Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
